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.and if not, said I, then they should all go and join the prison service or something. I may have over-argued the point by referring them to judicial punishment, but that seems to be the flavour today. Cold-bloodied, selfish, self-satisfying self-indulgence taking it out on another guy's flesh and bones because it makes you feel powerful and superior…. No concept of sharing the hurt, of giving pleasure, of listening together to the musical thwump of the flogger, of serving the floggee… It's all academic and selfish, - mutuality is dead, spiritual enjoyment gone….I used to row on the river (at Henley too), and a rhythm of 35 strokes to the minute was regular for me so that's what I look for now, full effort behind every stroke across my bum and back, but who is there out there prepared to go that far ? All the well-built ladies in scanty leather and high heels are a bit of a joke too, - they're professionals, so the thing most uppermost in their minds is not your pleasure but their. )Well, let's get back to the story. That first night at home I was in something of a daze. Everything about me was bright and cheerful, and I was pleased that the whole family seemed glad to have me home. I tried to slip back into my old familiar way with them, but somehow I felt stiff and awkward. I still couldn't get over the overwhelming sense of wonder at the beauty of my beloved mother, and I had to force myself not to stare at her constantly. As it was, a couple times I think that she became aware of my excessive interest in her appearance, and she sort of blushed and looked embarrassed. What had happened to me was that I had fallen head over heels in love with my own mother. It was a far deeper feeling than I had ever had before about anything. That night I had to masturbate before I could get to sleep, and of course the fantasy that I used was a fantastic imaginary fuck with Mom. After I came in a big way, I fell asleep quickly and slept soundly until morning.The next day I.
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